Unfiltered from the heart

there is an unbelieving tale
it is one of ongoing resistance
surrender & grievance
a peeling back of layers
using the art of unbelieving
a continuous state of grieving
(or merely resisting said grieving….ewww that’s denial!)

the work it is to let go of thoughts that abound
thoughts around what was & what
should have, or could have or would have been
the unmet, unwritten, unbidden expectations
things that creep in, that are unseen
yet that exist beneath every damn one of the seams
is anything really as it seems?
minfuvks like this leave me questioning everything…

there is no avoiding many layers of consternation
clench-jawed, tongue-tied
holding back it all & this just feels like another lie
some days i keep my eyes fixed forward,
for to turn ’round at the wrong time could irrevocably
turn me into a salty assed bitch
so instead, for the love of all things, please pass the salty, crunchy chips

with each day
my shoulders bearing the weight of things not meant to be borne
by a human soul confined to a body on this dirt; a mere mortal on this earth
heaving sighs as if to release the steam
letting go on bent knees
i’m beyond believing this is merely a dream –
nor is it really the nightmare it may seem

arching backwards, extending
opening instead of closing & flexing into
wave after wave of painful pangs
unbelieving, unraveling the DNA
& letting go of the reigns
the tears fall as if in a summer torrential rain
the winds & torrents urging the bells to toll
on what was, what could have been,
what should have been, what would have been …

merely unmet, unrealized expectations
the exceptions to many norms & rules
mourning the undead
those who sleep in another bed
it’s time to rest my weary heart & head
letting go again, grieving
& mourning the undead

if i could change it, i’d be running up that hill …
ahhh & now it see it: bargaining another lovely layer of grieving!

{image: pexels}

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